The House With No Noise

We live in a house with no noise. Don't get me wrong. It's loud. Really, really loud. With a 4 year old and a 1 year old, how could it not be? But noise? Nope. Notta.

How can that be possible?

One way Webster defines noise is this..

Noise (n): any sound that is undesired or interferes with one's hearing of something

So, we got rid of anything that qualifies as noise. And no, I'm not talking about the kids!😉

The main thing we got rid of? TV. 

{gasp}

Now before I go on, this isn't a blog telling you to do the same. This is just me putting our story into words and the things we've experienced along the way. 

Whatever you decide to do with it is up to you...

  We have never paid for cable or satellite in the almost 5 years we've been married, but we still had our "shows". Whether it be on Netflix....or the old school antennae...or even at a friend or our parents' houses, but there's one thing we've noticed. Any time we've been watching tv, we've caught ourselves saying things like...


"Stop doing that. I'm trying to hear."
"Be quiet."
"Quit it. You're making too much noise."

ON. REPEAT.

Our kids were distracting us from what was important!! How dare they, right?

.......or do we have that backwards?

  The thing we've heard from experienced parents the most is, "Enjoy it while you can. It goes by so fast." Or some form of the like. I'm sure you can relate. I may not know or understand what they mean to the extent that they do, but I can fully vouch that these last four years of motherhood have FLOWN by. And as I prepare for Baby #3 to join us, I'm highly aware of how time speeds up with each and every child. Why would I want something to take away from the little time that I have with them? Technology is a beautiful thing...when used purposefully.

  In, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family, Rebecca Hagelin states this, "According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average child views television for approximately fours hours a day." This doesn't include video games, iPads or other technology. MIND. BLOWING.

Did this change happen overnight? No. Does it take work? Everyday.

That's part of the beauty of this life--the growth and evolvement of becoming who He created you to be. Here are some things we've learned along the way.

    1. We're still in the loop. Even though we don't watch the news, we still know (most) of what's going on in the world. Whether it be natural disasters, conflict, weather, heroes that are being acknowledged, updates from the President....or if the Texas Rangers won or not. However, our kids aren't bombarded with carrying the adult-sized burdens that we carry day to day because of what they hear every night. They get to be kids. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago. Ace had a lemonade stand, and the excitement and support our community showed for it was inspiring. At the end of the day, we were uplifted from experiencing some of the good that's in this world. However, the next day we heard on multiple occasions, from multiple people, how they were watching the afternoon news the previous day and how horrible the world is getting. Our hearts hurt that they spent so much time being sad due to the media airing so much of the negative, when we were experiencing so much positive. Also, I can't even begin to describe the amount that my anxiety has decreased by filtering out some of the unnecessary negativity. We have phones and people talk. We hear the important things.

    2. We're content and our confidence has sky-rocketed. Not only has primetime tv gotten lenient on what they air, but so have kid shows in their own content. Not to mention the commercials. We don't see the "next best thing we HAVE to have". Instead of watching someone else and subconsciously comparing ourselves to them, we're just busy doing us. Being the best us we can be. There are plenty of opportunities for the comparison bug to sneak in, whether it be through social media or real life. This is just one thing we can get rid of to help guard our joy.

    3. We haven't lost our entertainment. Y'all, the real life human beings living in our home provide so much entertainment. At the end of the day, I'm not sure when we would fit in a few hours of sitting and watching something that can't look back at me. Think about these two scenarios. My kids put on quite the show and see ME watching them.....or they put on a show and see me not even glance their way because I'm too caught up watching a materialistic item that has no way of reciprocating any love back. If my kids are playing and I ask for their attention and they don't give it to me at the time, I can get frustrated. Isn't that the same thing? Our kids imitate the behaviors they see.

The number one question we get when people hear we don't watch tv--

"Then what do y'all do??"

  We LIVE. Our living room is just that. A room we live in. We teach. We talk. We visit. We play outside. We read. We learn. We explore. We go for walks, bike rides or hikes. We spend time together. We play board games. We encourage our kids to become independent, courageous and bold. We serve. And we love...HARD. That doesn't mean it's all roses and rainbows. Some of that time, we're breaking up fights.....and sometimes we're watching from the sidelines as we let them work it out. Sometimes we're making something new or trying out a recipe. (My kids favorite right now is making homemade butter or whipped cream.) Sometimes we're disciplining, and sometimes we're having an awesome dance party. Sometimes we're drying tears of sadness, and sometimes we find ourselves all laying in the floor and drying our tears caused by uncontrollable silent laughter. At the end of the day, we are flat out exhausted. I think every one of us are as the day comes to a close, but this is a different kind of exhaustion than I've ever felt. It's knowing at the end of the day, I did everything I could. I gave everything I could give. As a wife and a mother. My undivided attention. And I can PROMISE you that looks so FAR from perfection. There are so many nights that I go to bed extremely thankful that God gives me another morning to wake up and do it better. I still have moments where my patience wears thin and I'm "too tired to even deal."✋🏻

  I think it mainly comes down to perspective. Even in those highly frustrating, exhausting, and hard parenting moments...we know that they are learning. They're learning territory, boundaries, personal space, and standing up for themselves.....sometimes that comes in the form of fighting. What's changed is that the distractions are out of my way, and I'm able to see that for what it really is. It's not just some screaming and fighting that makes Momma blow a gasket and yell at everyone. There's a root problem to address. On the contrary though, sometimes that comes in the form of seeing your child show empathy to one another, or to see them share and play well together. I'm also able to see that for what it is, and then let them know that I see them. We believe the need for a child to hear that we see them doing something positive is just as important as disciplining the negative. Think about it like this..... if you worked in an environment where your boss was sure to see and call you out on everything you did wrong (especially in a frustrated tone because he/she was worn out), but never, or very rarely, acknowledge the things you do well or right without being told, it could become a very discouraging workplace. And you're talking about feeling that way as an adult.....put that same kind of scenario on a child that's learning how to feel and control emotions such as frustration and you're just asking for a disaster...or at least a very tense environment.

  Mornings were the hardest time of adjustment for me. I wanted to have some quiet time to get ready for the day, but it was as if once the tv was on, it was really hard to turn off. And honestly, most of the time it always resulted in a tantrum. I would tell Ace to "just go play" instead. I mean he had a crazy amount of toys, but they never seemed to keep his attention for very long. He'd make a massive mess, and then say he didn't have anything to play with. So that's when we got rid of the toys...well, most of them. Now it took some adjusting at first. No tv and about 1/10 of the toys to play with. At times, we felt like horrible parents because as a parent, you want to give you child everything they want. And not to mention the pressure to do so in today's society is so. very. real. But perseverance was is key. Now he gets so lost in his own world of play, it's amazing! And most of the time it's very loud. That world of his consists of dinosaurs, planes and crashing towers. But it doesn't just stop there. We firmly believe there's a balance on encouraging your kid to play by themselves, and you modeling what using your imagination may look like. After all, don't kids seem to want to mirror every single thing we do. Don't be scared to get lost in playing with your child. You will never look back on this time and think--I wish I had watched more tv, or aimlessly scrolled through Facebook more, or played Call Of Duty more often. However, you will look back and long for more time with your family. Real, quality time. As kids, and especially teens, we think life is so hard, and about how we can't wait to grow up. We want to be our own adults and make our own decisions. But often times, we get to that point and realize "adulting is HARD". We look back on our childhood and think how much easier we really had it. What if I told you that you actually get a second chance at childhood...to really enjoy it and not dream it away? You do! Your child's. So let loose and play with them. Enjoy the limited time you have with them. 

  Now, it's not like we forbid our kids to ever watch TV at all. We have a TV, but it's for a movie here and there. We tend to rent one from Redbox maybe once a month, and they still watch a few movies or shows every once in a while at their grandparents', but they're respectful of helping stay in line with the things we do/don't want our kids to watch. But as for our home, the tv goes weeks, and sometimes even months, without even turning it on for a movie.

  Someone once said, "The only real luxury you have is Time. You can't get it back." Use it wisely, friends. That may look different than what it does to us. I'm not saying that you have to get rid of your tv. That's just what works for us in the season we're in now. I'm sure when the kids are older we'll have it, but I hope that the desire to be active and engaged in others around us will be so deeply engrained that it trumps the desire to just sit around and watch tv. What I am getting at is this... we need to stand guard for the "evil" that preys on our families. Sometimes that evil doesn't come in the form of something bad, but something worldly. A distraction from losing sight of what's most important in this life. That can be busyness, extracurricular activities/events, working out, TV, video games, work, beauty, etc. These things aren't bad things. The issue is when we fill our schedules to the brim with these things that we have no time or energy left for the better things. Things like raising disciples for His Kingdom, investing in others, guarding the hearts that live in our homes, even rest.

I'll leave you with this excerpt from chapter 4 of, The Love Dare for Parents,

  "That's why we need to listen to the consistent counsel of genuine love rather than the shifting opinions of a self-centered culture. Love reminds us that children are and have always been priceless, desirable, and a unique treasure. They are our walking, living legacies, each of them bearing untapped potential beyond measure. Love helps us view them the way God view them-as one of our greatest blessings in life. A sacred trust. A privileged responsibility. A precious delight.

....Children are also given to us to help us personally mature as parents. They teach us how to stop being so selfish and to give sacrificially. They pull us out of our comfort zones and stretch our abilities. They repeat our words and test our integrity. They expose our pride and deepen our humility. They help us learn to love more willingly. They enter this world as if to say, 'Here I am, a mirror to reveal you, ready clay for you to mold. I am given to bear your name and reflect your likeness. I am more valuable than anything you own, and I could become your greatest investment in the world.'
  But beyond this, children also enrich the flavor of every season of our lives. Your money will never love you back, kiss you at night, or run in and celebrate with you on Christmas morning. Your possessions will never walk with you down the aisle, give you grandchildren, cry at your funeral, or carry on your legacy to future generations. 
  So regardless of how old your children are, dare to set your eyes and heart back upon them. To prize them. To follow the example of Jesus, welcoming them into your arms and lovingly blessing them and their future lives (Mark 10:16.)"

Something tells me that no matter our age, our Heavenly Father views us the same way. I mean, a God that has everything He could want, still desires you. He placed you to be a hands-on leader of your family with the gifts He handpicked specifically for you and the needs of others around you. Let's do our best to be diligent in using them.   

Finding freedom in self-discipline

I'll never forget it. It was the month Casey made more than he had ever made before (like double his usual income).....and we had less money and were behind on more bills than ever before. We couldn't understand it. How could that be possible? How does that happen? That was the moment. The moment we realized we obviously weren't handling money the right way. The moment we realized we were just going through life and not being intentional with our resources. What was the point of him being away from our family more if we were still struggling? THAT was the moment we knew SOMETHING had to change.......and that something was US. Now before I go on, I know most of us don't have jobs where we can increase our primary income like that. Casey is self-employed and gets paid for the work he does. If he works a lot, he gets paid accordingly. If weather, sickness, or a canceling client causes him to not work, he doesn't get paid.
{{Please don't take this as we have a crazy amount of income. We don't. And I promise you, a lot of you would wonder how we have even put food on the table most months. But not only do we put good food on the table, we are a family full of adventure.}}

Whatever your income though, I can just about guess that you, at some point or another, have had the same thoughts. "Where is my money going??" In fact, Casey had a motto that we had come to recite almost daily. "It's just money. I make more of it every day." But something deep down told me that wasn't how it was supposed to be. In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." That really spoke to me. Because we aren't using our resources the way we should, Casey's having to be away to make more money. Meaning Satan was able to use our naivety of how to use our money, and our pride of trying to "keep up with the Joneses", to steal our time together that we could be spending as a family. And even though we always had fun together, the stress of affording some bill was always looming overhead and, in a sense, stealing some of our joy. We know communication and money stress are two of the biggest reasons couples divorce. That was a word we had promised to never throw around, and while it wasn't that bad, we united to protect our marriage. We refused to let Satan try to slither in with his sneaky lies of "this is just how life is supposed to be" and try to destroy our family, unknowingly to us. When Jesus talks about having a more abundant life.....I know he wasn't talking about stress. There's a happy medium of working to earn a living and using the God-given time to enjoy and invest in your family.

I sat at our dining table and wrote down every expense we had. I used our lowest monthly income and subtracted our expenses to see if we could cover them if we had another month like that. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the first budget in the making. I then noticed all of the lines on that paper that were values where we owed money to someone. It was insane! But mostly it was very normal stuff...Vehicles, student loans, credit cards from before we married, small collections of medical bills from years before, and a property loan. I then went through and saw some items that, technically, could go or downsize.
•Gym membership - I could work out at home.
•Regular shopping trips - A closet full with nothing to wear.
•Restaurants - Y'all WHY was I spending enough on groceries to feed us for the month, just to go out to eat almost daily, and then having to throw most of our rotting food out?? Pure laziness! There's no way around it. And lastly..
•Entertainment. We went and did all the time! We were exhausted and broke and exhausted BECAUSE we were broke.

Resources. We were going to start using them. I then started to do some research, mainly through Pinterest (it's my favorite "search engine" because...visuals!😜Ha), and I came across articles on Dave Ramsey, his baby steps, and his debt snowball. We decided to go all in. What could it hurt? We read his book, Total Money Makeover, and it completely changed our way of thinking about money. That next month blew me away. We not only had enough money left over to get caught up, but to pay an extra month of rent and treat ourselves to a nice dinner. Now, we aren't debt free yet, BUT it's changed our lives. We've downsized debt, and we've paid off A LOT. We have a buffer, and we have had to use and replenish it several times. We have had another baby since then. We saved enough money to cash flow all of the costs of bringing him into this world. Then my insurance changed during my pregnancy, which added several thousand dollars that had to come out of our own pocket immediately. And a month before I was due, my (then) 2-year-old fell in the bathtub, breaking his front two teeth across the roots. He had to have them removed and the cost was due upfront, in full. Even though we had to dip into the money we had saved up, we had it. Before this though...I'm not sure what we would have done. When something like this happens, we just adjust and pick right back up where we left off. Life is going to happen. It's our responsibility to prepare for it. Any chunk of money we've come into since (whether through selling a possession or income tax), has either been to pay towards debt or something that was an absolute need. Yes, it was used intentionally. No, that doesn't always mean it always was fun. However, we have had a ton of fun along the way. It's become a game of how much fun we can have for free or next to nothing. Casey and I even treated ourselves to a cruise (that we cash flowed) after a certain goal amount of debt was paid off for 3 reasons. 1. We reached a goal and wanted to stay motivated.
2. Because we think spending time together and disconnecting from society is good for a marriage every once in a while.
3. We knew we wanted to have another baby, and an opportunity like this would not be possible for a while. (Obviously, this was before I got pregnant with Judd.) Life's too short to not have any fun. Just budget it in!

Our eyes have been opened to what's important and to the difference between a want and a need. There has been a very important lesson in all of this. Contentment. You see, gone are the days of the "poor newlyweds". It amazes me to see our generation live in a comparable way to the generations ahead of us, which mind you probably took years to build up to where they are. But when you are in the midst of an immediate gratification, bigger is better, Pinterest-inspired, "have it your way" world, what can you expect? But at what cost? Our family? Our stress? Our quiet time with Jesus? Our legacy? Here's the deal--we weren't put here to compete with each other, but to serve each other. Follow whatever it is the Holy Spirit lays on your heart of what's best for your family, not what the world tells you. People won't understand you sometimes, but that's what happens when you go against the grain. We don't have a lot of friends surrounding us that are on this same page. In fact, we know very few, but what I would give for others to experience the freedom we've found in the midst of our self-control.

This stuff isn't part of our nature. We're both naturally messy, collector of things, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants doers and spenders. The scales have been peeled off of our eyes and the blinders lowered. God created this as a reap-what-you-sow world. He is a God of order. It's been amazing to see what has transcended after becoming more intentional with our finances and our resources. We've become more intentional with our time, with our space in our home, and with our calendars. One thing we've implemented is taking care of the kitchen immediately after supper. We wash the dishes and silverware, let them dry in a drying rack next to the sink after every meal, sweep, wipe down the counters, and Ace wipes down the table. A couple of nights a week after supper we have a big enough of a load to run the dishwasher. This 5-10 minute routine has allowed us to fully enjoy family time after supper without that chore hanging over our head. Again, freedom in self-discipline. We purged so many possessions it was crazy, including toys. Less stuff to clean, means more time to play. My 3 year old is happier than I've ever seen him, his already big heart is growing even more compassionate, and his imagination is soaring! While we have a tv and DVD player for an occasional movie night, we don't have cable or satellite. Y'all we even got rid of Netflix! What?! I know...crazy! But the belly laughs we've experienced from getting down on the floor and playing with our kids, the deep conversations we've had in our marriage, the memories we've made, the walks we've taken, the cooking lessons we've had, the books we've read, and the love that we've seen between our children when our own eyes aren't glued to a screen is WELL. WORTH. IT.

We've come to this place of living a minimalistic life. When I used to hear the word "minimalism," all that could come to my head is a boring life. But, how my perspective has changed. Allie Casazza says it best in her blog, What exactly is minimalism?,..... "Minimalism is about creating breathing room in your home, your calendar, and your life so that you can be intentional with the people who matter most to you, and present to enjoy them fully."

Find your "why" and keep it at the forefront of your mind, or write it down. You will have days where you feel discouraged, not understood, lack motivation, or just stumble. Your "why" will be how you get back on track. For us, that's our family, our legacy. I so desperately want our kids to have a biblical world-view. I can either let the world teach them worldly ways, or we as their parents can step up to the responsibility we've been given and be an example. Because more is "caught than taught". We're intentional in raising them in a home that aligns with what The Bible teaches, but also intentional in raising them to meet their individual needs. God didn't create a single one of us like another, so why would we try to fit our kids into the same mold.

I want less status. I want less possessions. I want less chaos. I want less of me. I want less. Period. Because it's in "the less" that I have found more. So much more. More freedom. More group hugs. More laughs. More smile lines. More steady breaths. More memories made. More games of chase with my kids. More quality time with my husband. But more than anything...absolutely more of Him!

Enough of the Not-Good-Enoughs

I knew Ace was taking pictures of things around the house as we prepared for nap time. I expected two things:
1. For the images to be in black and white. Since he learned how to use filters, he's been favoring that one.
2. And to see these types of images....

You know, all the important things to a 3 year old. Old Maid, cars, wipes, stuffed animals. However, when nap time rolled around, I found so much more. Pictures that made way for a "God thing" through tear-filled eyes.

95% of the time I'm on the other side of the camera, and I think it's safe to say....if we just look at the candid moments, that number goes to 99.9%. I love freeze framing beauty in everyday moments. The moments that pass you by and you never think twice about. And even though I don't have many of those moments caught on camera, there are images. Images engrained in my mind. And the mothering ones never, ever look like these. Satan likes to slither in and push his lies in place of the truth. He does this most often in the things we're most passionate about. For me, that's my family. Even though I do these things whole-heartedly, that doesn't mean I view myself as gentle, sweet or pure. And that made me realize how that's the case in so many areas of our lives. He pushes this idea that we're never good enough. A good enough wife, mom, daughter, sister or friend.

Never kind enough.

Never gracious enough.

Never rich enough.

Never open enough.

Never available enough.

Never fit enough.

Never pretty enough.

Never smart enough.

Never seen enough.

Never heard enough.

Never understood enough.

If we measure our ourselves, by the rest of the world's standards and our own capabilities, then those aren't lies. Why? Because we live in a society that screams nothing or nobody is ever good enough. Which is actually true. We weren't made to be self-sufficient. There is only ONE that is good enough. It's when we realize we're chasing an unachievable goal, humble ourselves to fully rely on Him, give Him our very best in whatever we do and allow Him to fill in our gaps that we become enough because HE is enough. How sweet it is to know that God knows exactly what I need. He knows exactly what my kids need. He knows exactly what my husband need. And part of what they need is me. He chose ME to be their mom. ME to be his wife. BUT if I solely try to put it on my shoulder's to be all they need and never point their eyes to Him, then I won't be enough. God is the Perfect Father. I'm just the lucky gal he chose to parent my children through. 

I'm not a parenting expert, obviously. Actually, you could say I'm in the earliest stages. But I know this much....I want to be ALL. IN. These are my two words for the year. All in. In everything I do. I want to be very  present in whatever I'm doing or whoever I'm with. Giving the task or the person my undivided attention. If there's one thing I don't want to be able to say at the end of my journey through motherhood, is that I could given it more. I was reminded of this when I had the opportunity to see myself as the everyday mom my 3-year old sees. 

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the not-good-enoughs. Put Satan's lies where they belong, and that's nowhere near your heart. Be present. Whole-heartedly involved. Teachable. Grateful. Intentional. Rejoice in these affirmations and know...when you allow Him to be enough, you are enough.

You are a Daughter of The King. (2 Corinthians 6:18) 

You are made in HIS image. (Genesis 1:27)

You are justified through Christ Jesus. (Romans 5:1) 

You are chosen. (1 Peter 2:9)

You are wanted. (Ephesians 1:4-5)