Utilizing the platform you've been given

  I snapped a very precious picture of my 3 year old sleeping yesterday morning. When I went to post it on social media I typed out one cliche caption after another. You know the ones I'm talking about.....

❤️❤️❤️

#blessed

My sweet boy!

Precious😍

  Not that anything is wrong with captions like that, but this time, none of them just seemed to do. Why? Because although all of those things are true, it would lead to this facade of what I was actually feeling in that moment. At that moment, I just couldn't have 800+ people thinking that I've got it all together. I know so many new moms that are in the thick of raising newborns and toddlers right now, and I couldn't allow thoughts like "Lucky. Her newborn must be sleeping since she's able to be taking pictures of her other kid" or "Her toddler sleeps so good. I mean, gosh it's 9:30 and he's still in bed." Because what that picture doesn't show is the 1:00 am struggle of my husband still trying to get that toddler to sleep while I'm in the other room pleading with my (almost) 3 month old to succumb to sleep as well. Or the non-existent nap time for the toddler causing him to be overly tired. The tears of both child and mother the day before. Both out of frustration. One needing more attention, and one perhaps needing a little bit LESS attention mixed with a tinge of feeling like a failure. Or that ruffle-y gray pillow? One might think we have a nice little bedding set going on. But the fact is, I have a baby boy on my hands that has a fountain go off more often than not during a diaper change, so it's been mix matched with different colored sheets, comforters and quilts for the last couple of months. No matching set ever being clean at the same time. (I mean, come on, who has time for that at 2am?) That picture doesn't show an equally as sweet baby cooing in his sleep just inches away. Or what about the picture of his lunch made of spinach leaves with light raspberry vinaigrette and tuna salad made with avocado? That doesn't show his supper that consisted of a Sonic cheeseburger and chips. Or that time I felt like #supermom wearing my baby while I did the dishes with my toddler quiet playing at my feet, which was immediately followed by a tornado-like scene of clothes being hurled towards the laundry room due to projectile spit up with a screaming toddler in it's midst. We do that, ya know? Catch a glimpse into someone else's life and think you know the whole story, and then start to compare to what's going on in our own lives. The part that nobody else sees unless they're there. In person. You see someone's good and think you need to get your life together. Or you see someone else's failure and your pride steps it up a notch. So, the final caption to that picture?

"We have definitely entered the phase that everyone warns you about when you add a new baby to the family. It's been a rough few days. Three is not an easy age in and of itself, and the jealousy of little brother has hit full force. Our last few days have been filled with more frustration than peace, and more tears than laughs, but we're a family that perseveres and loves hard. We're going to be just fine. God knew how bad I needed this view and extra snuggles this morning. My sweet Ace. You've got the biggest heart.❤️  #reallife"

  One might read that and think..."she wants sympathy" or "she's dealing with postpartum hormones". Or on the other side of that, and the response it got the most,"Amen, I can relate!" You see, I'm called to live this life as transparent as I can. Transparency. Just the calling I longed for.😉

  Growing up I was heavily involved in church and youth group. I was at every event and on every mission trip. I played multiple sports beyond just my school teams. Throughout college, I was involved in different clubs, intramural sports, a sorority, and I was a cheerleader at a junior college after never cheering a day in my life. I was a junior high and high school teacher. I've coached volleyball, basketball, softball and gymnastics from ages 3-18.. And I've served alongside my husband as he stepped into the youth pastor role at a church we attended for a couple of years. I always had a platform to be used as a tool for God's handiwork. And, honestly, I rarely took advantage of that. Mainly because I was so immature in my Christian walk, but a lot has do with that's just not the norm. I would be transparent, but only on MY terms. When I wanted to be and with whom I wanted to be. 

  We're no longer serving in that role of youth pastor, as our lives are going down a different path right now. My main job comes with the title of 'Momma', even though I do have a part-time in-home job, as well. There are no coworkers, no students, no colleagues or teammates. I've known my whole life that I was made to be a wife and a mom. I pour my heart into my husband and my kids. The thing with my husband is, I benefit from pouring myself into our relationship. Not just him. Not just our kids. And my kids? Well, my husband and I say that our goal in parenthood is to raise God-fearing adults with compassion for others. Adults that have a deep relationship with Him. Not just "good kids". With kids, you can put every ounce of effort you have into guiding them and not see any fruit right away. It might be years even. Or, most often for us, that fruit ripens when we aren't even around to see it. When they're on someone else's clock. Sometimes that can be discouraging if I let it. I mean, come on, I want to see the fruits of my labor. But you know what? It's not about me. It's about Him. But for a long time, I questioned if God would ever grant me one of those big platforms again. You know the ones with the opportunity to bring a lot of people to Christ. The ones that people tell you how much you helped shape their walk with Him even years down the road. Not just ones that bring my own kids to know Him, but others as well. Because I naturally feel as if it's just my responsibility that comes with the territory of being a parent. For me to stay home with the kids, there isn't much money lying around for huge mission trips to give hope to those that are in need of it. There are no coworkers across down the hall, or at the adjacent cubicle, to speak truth to. There are no amazing vocals coming out of this mouth with the ability to move people to tears during worship. And with us transitioning to a new church, there isn't the influence we've had before to lead a group. Will He ever give me a stage again? But He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what I need. He knows that if He were to give me a big stage, I might just get a little prideful. And maybe even so preoccupied with the busywork that's comes with a position like that, that it would be so easy for me to push my obedience to Him to the side. I honestly believe He had to strip those "platforms" away so that I would solely seek Him.

  The other day I was telling my husband all of these things, and apparently he had been thinking along this same topic in his own mind too. It's funny. About a year ago, he prayed over our marriage. That God would sync our minds and our hearts. If you ever want some incredible mind-blowing experiences in your marriage, pray for that. So this wasn't out of the ordinary for us. It's almost a daily thing. He told me that he had been praying about this same thing, asking God if he'd ever have a big platform where he would be used. Like to lead a group, a church or maybe even plant a church. (We dream big around here!) He told me as he was praying about this, God spoke softly to his heart, "If you don't utilize what you think is a small platform for My Kingdom, why do you think you're ready for what you see as a big one? Do you pray with your family daily? Do you tell you kids about what Jesus is doing in your life so that they see how alive I am? Do you move when I say go?" And it got me to thinking, my life IS my platform. My daily life. And so is yours. How we carry ourselves, how we dress, how we talk, how we care for others, or take the time to notice someone. How we invest in relationships. Whether it's in the ones that we'll have for a lifetime, or the ones that last just the split second we have to smile at a passerby. If you're anything like me, you tend to have a word that pops up for different seasons of your life. The one that has continued to show itself almost daily in my life over the past two years is humility. Yeah, not the the word I'm anxiously waiting to experience. Not love, kindness, wisdom or faithfulness. No, humility. In the beginning I had no idea where God was going with that one, but over the years it's become more evident. I'm called to tear down the barriers of my life that we're so quick to put up. I'm called to share my sufferings with you. Taking myself out of the equation. Taking up my cross daily and laying down my own desires so that His Will may be seen.

  So, I want to encourage you. No matter where you are in life, whether you have a "big platform" or a small one, God can, and will, use you because He is so much greater than any circumstance, job title or label. All you have to do is open your heart, follow hard after Him and let Him fill you to overflowing. It may not always be fun. And most of the time, He'll have you go out of your comfort zone. (Hello, blog.) Live boldly anyway. You never know who He'll use you to reach. Literally, you may never know them. But it isn't really about us anyway, right? So let's use the tools He's given us. Afterall, they were His to begin with.

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." ‭‭Ephesians‬  2:10

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans‬ ‭5:3-5‬ 

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:19-21

Hope in a Fallen World

Hope in a Fallen World

  It's summer here in Texas, which can only mean one thing.....it's HOT. And actually it's been a really mild one for us. We're just now reaching up into the 100s, but around here that's too hot for our active lifestyle in the peak of the day. I have a boy that's quite busy and wants to play baseball 24/7. (Not just the usual catch. All of it. Pitching, catching, hitting, fielding, sliding, umpiring. But I'm sure I'll share all that in its own post later.) Usually we get out during the mornings and late afternoons, but be sure to plan out indoor activities, lunch and nap time during the hottest hours. However, since this newest one has been born a couple of months ago, Ace has been sleeping in waaaayyyy later than normal, so it's usually later in the day when we make it outside to play. I don't mind though. As Judd is starting to sleep longer stretches at night, I've been able to trade those morning zzzz's for my coffee and Jesus time again, but this time with two sweet boys snuggling next to me in bed. The messy hair, the sweet breathing, their soft baby skin, the smell of coffee, the sound of the pages in my bible rattling from the whir of the fan on my nightstand, the time with God where I can feel my heart shifting and preparing for the day ahead, the great expectation that comes with the excitement of a new day ready to unfold. It's absolutely my favorite time of day.

  Except on the morning of July 8, 2016, there was a solemn overcast, a deep hurt in my core. It was the morning after the Dallas police force was ambushed while they were patrolling a peaceful protest, resulting in four Dallas and one DART police officers lives lost and 7 other injured. As someone said to me, the darkest day for Dallas since JFK's assassination. I sat there hurting for these families, coworkers and friends of these men. I cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak they are experiencing. I, along with so many of you, continue to lift them up in my prayers, may the Lord comfort and grant them peace beyond comprehension during this time, the days and the years ahead.

  My husband and I had stayed up late waiting and watching as more information unfolded through the night. At some point we fell asleep, though I'm not sure when that was. As I've said in my previous post, being a mother at home can sometimes be a little lonely throughout the day, but the days where tragedy strikes that's especially true. Days like that seem to be happening more often. You mix that with not getting outside as much as usual, you can really feel like the world is falling completely apart. I have to try to get out and run an errand or two just so I have some kind interaction that reminds me that there still are really great people in this world . It's something Satan can really use against me. Fear. Fear to get out because of all you see in the media, and on social media, during a time like that. I honestly believe that Satan uses fear to try to make me a recluse, to separate fellow Christians from lifting each other up and glorifying God in such a hard time, and to be a light for Him, and share the good news to those that aren't Christ followers. But 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 

  I recited this scripture over and over in my head hoping it would sink down in the depths of my soul and calm me. But I was struggling. This wasn't the only tragic event recently. It was surrounded by days and weeks of others. But this one hit really close to home. Close in proximity, close in family and friends being in this same line of work, close in seeing how many of these men had sweet wives and children back home just like me, close in that the ones that protect us in this country the most were being targeted, and close because I have family that, due to their own experiences, has taught me that there absolutely is racism that still exists in this free world, without even speaking a word. And in that moment, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt for bringing such precious and innocent children into such a fallen world. I called out to God. "This is getting out of hand. Please come back and save Your people. We long for Your return. How am I supposed to raise my children in this world? Raise them to know You? I'm scared. I know You have a plan, but the flesh side of me is uneasy because I can't see what that plan is." And then it hit me. This world has had tragedy amongst it since The Fall in Eden. I don't say that to be insensitive, but to find comfort. There has been war, death, murder and sin since that day Satan disguised himself as a serpent and deceived Eve. God has been there through it all. That's why He sent His only Son all those years ago. To a fallen world. To give us HOPE. How sad it would be to go through and experience tragedy without this hope. So while I sat there nursing my baby and watching my toddler play with playdoh at my feet, I silently went to the Lord again in prayer, "Thank you for Jesus. Thank You for sending Your Son here, knowing how broken of a world it is. That's true love. Thank You for the hope that Your Son's life bought us. All of us. The war on sin was waged those 2000 year ago, and I know the outcome. We win. Thank You for loving us unconditionally." And at that exact moment I hear the sweetest voice start to sing,"You sought me and bought me with His redeeming love." My 3 year old with no idea about what's going on in the world. Praising Jesus. And once again, that the Holy Spirit speaking to me through him. So with a knot in my throat I joined in.

"I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory

O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood." 

Thank you, Jesus. 

 

As we finished singing, my three year old's smile turned to concern as he noticed the tears streaming down my face.

"Momma, you sad?"

"Yes. But also, I'm so proud of you. I'm thankful for you. And I hope I can raise you in a way that you know Jesus so very personally and spread His love to others."

"Momma, we need to sing more."

Thinking that was way too wordy and complicated of a response for him to understand, I reply..

"Sure. What would you like to sing?"

"Wise man Built His House on the Rock."

At this point, I'm floored. I could hardly get the words out and the tears were flowing.

"The wise man built his house upon the rock

The wise man built his house upon the rock

The wise man built his house upon the rock

And the rain came tumbling down

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

And the wise man's house stood firm

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

And the rain came tumbling down

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

And the foolish man's house went SPLAT👏🏻

So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

And the blessings will come down

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ"

  Foundation. A strong one. Built on the Lord Jesus Christ. THAT'S how I'll raise my children in this world. I needed that reminder. And I also take responsibility for that foundation to be poured. It's not our schools, churches, pastors or youth pastors, the government, or extended families' responsibility, but first and foremost it's ours. Parents. Yes, they are there to supplement and aid in helping to do so. You've heard before "it takes a village to raise a kid." That is a very true statement. So let's band together for this next generation's sake and be the leaders in our homes that we are called to be. 

"Lord, this world can be a scary place. Your word warns us that it will be this way before Jesus comes again. May we try to find some sort of comfort in that. Help us to be courageous just as Your Son was. Just as those officers were. That we don't turn and run in fear, but that we use that as an opportunity to serve. To be a light. A city on a hill. To bring glory to Your Name. May we be used as vessels to bring Your love to a world that so desperately needs to know it personally. Thank You for the hope You gave us through Your Son. Thank You for knowing all and taking that burden from us. And mostly, thank You for the victory You have already won. And until we are all in heaven singing praises all the days of our lives, until there is no more pain, no more suffering, keep speaking to us. Letting us know You're right there. Helping us to be bold in bringing others to You and keeping the hope You give us surfacing for all to see. May we all have the faith of a child. To find the good in tough times. For us parents to raise BOLD warriors for Your Kingdom. Thank You for these precious gifts, and thank You for loving us despite our faults. For filling in our gaps as parents. Help us to see and display the unconditional love You have for us....no matter what our age, color, size, class are. Help that to unify us as a country so that we may spread that love world-wide. You loved us first, so I say, we love You, too. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

"But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great."

‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:46-49‬

 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-16‬‬‬

"And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:2-6‬

  To the ones that are experiencing the hurt that comes with racism, I am so sorry you are enduring that. I can't imagine the frustration that comes with feeling that the sufferings of your forefathers was in vain and the desire to have the world free of it for your children and generations to come. I pray that it will come to pass very soon. 

  To the servicemen and women that lay down their lives for our safety and freedom, that unselfishly go out into the streets daily for others, your courage in your duty and loyalty to your country does not go unnoticed. I pray for mind clarity, peace, God's companionship, and appreciation from others every time you put that uniform on. We salute you. Thank you for your service. 

  And, last but not least, to the families that have someone in the line of duty, here on the U.S. turf or overseas, thank you for your sacrifice, as well. I can't imagine the fear that comes while your loved one is on shift, or a mission, and not being able to have immediate communication at the touch of a button at all times. My heart especially goes out to the families that have lost their loved ones in the line of duty. May you have a support system around you that is strong, and may you feel peace and comfort that only God can extend. Keep their legacy alive. 

•the morning God met me smack dab in the middle of the play kitchen•

Every morning before Ace wakes up, I try to have my quiet time with God. It's my coffee and Jesus time. Today was no exception, except for the fact that I couldn't get my head to keep from spinning. My heart was willing, but my mind was weak with a to-do list that seemed like miles long. I had my time until I had to get

up and get the day started. I felt discouraged and not prepared for the day. But Romans 8:26 tells us,"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." And boy, does He ever!! 🙏🏻

As I was cooking breakfast, Ace was also preparing breakfast in his kitchen. We had 15 mins left before we had to leave to get him to school, and we were still in PJs and needing to eat. I was stressed and running around like a madman. (Ace is going through this particular phase where he copies everything he sees, both good and bad behaviors. As a parent, we so worry our kids will pick up on our flaws more than our strengths. We are our own worst critics sometimes. And that's something I pray about daily!)

As I announced that breakfast was ready, I heard him joyfully shout, "ready!" pointing to the spread he had also prepared. And when I told him we didn't have much time and ask if he was ready to eat, he replied with,"Wait, wait! Pray."

And so, we prayed over our food, both real and pretend. And I couldn't help but thank God for another teachable moment, when he uses my child as the teacher and me the student. For answered prayers. And for moments of encouragement, when God meets me in that place and let's me know I must be doing something right. Right there in the play kitchen.❤️❤️

A reminder for when I'm in need of an escape...

Every young mom has heard statements like, "The days are long but the years are short," and "Enjoy them while you can because they'll be grown before you know it," tossed around probably every week of her life since she entered into motherhood. So when you are having one of those long, long, looooonnggg days that you want to end just so you can have a fresh start the next day, you feel so guilty. You know there are others that would love to be where you are. But honestly, in those moments where you find yourself joining in on the meltdowns that both your newborn and toddler on indulging themselves in, your instinct is not to be thankful in the least bit. Add that to that days dose of mom guil, which already consists of getting your toddler to bed too late the night before, not giving him enough attention when your newborn wakes you both up starving that morning so you find a quick fix to preoccupy your toddler long enough to feed your newborn (probably one consisting of too much sugar), the frustration your nursing newborn is experiencing since you slacked in the hydration department the few days prior, and then it's nap time. Oh, that blasted nap time. Oy. I have a love/hate relationship with nap time. You finally get one-on-one time with your toddler, just long enough for his eyes to begin getting heavy, and your newborn wakes up. Three hours of them tag-teaming you later, they both give in to sleep, and you're left beating yourself up for how you handled all of it. Even though I'm never alone with these two glued to my hip, in times like these, motherhood can be very lonely. Why? Because we never see those moments shared on social media. Is it because other moms don't want to admit they have them to, or are you the only one that feels like you're failing in the mom department some days? I mean not everybody can have their stuff together like it seems, right? Maybe it's because in those moments, we're actually doing what we are supposed to be doing. Mothering. Solving problems. Working through the hard times and comforting our little ones. Leaving no time to spare to get your camera out so you can "be real" for a minute. I find myself in need of an escape in moments like that. A fast one. A quick fix. One I can have right at my fingertips, if you will. Because I am so busy taking care of two munchkins that solely rely on me for their everyday needs, I don't have much time to spare. (That doesn't get overwhelming or anything.) The easiest escape? Social media. But even after checking Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest and even my email 5 times each within 10 minutes, I still find myself in need of an escape. Why? The Holy Spirit gently reminded me that those things aren't what my soul longs for. He is. He gently spoke to my heart. That's what we does. He's so very gentle. It's in times like that where I'm extremely vulnerable. Vulnerable to the "not good enoughs". That's when it's so crucial to guard my heart against comparison. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with somebody else's highlight reel. Because that's really what social media is, right? A highlight reel. It's not that other mothers aren't experiencing these same trying times. I mean honestly, who wants to reminisce on moments that led you to feel a little broken-hearted and a whole lot of guilt that sometimes comes with motherhood. I don't want those popping up on my TimeHop each year. But maybe I need to. It's in moments like that where God brings me back to right where I need to be. At the foot of the cross. Humbly, prayerfully at His feet. Solely relying on His strength. Am I a mother? Yes. But first and foremost, I am a daughter of The King. He has granted me guardianship of two of his precious sons, and I want nothing more than for Him to parent them through me. Why? Because children reflect what they see. And I want them to see Jesus. I want them to come to know their good, good Father. Although I feel like I'm looking in a mirror sometimes, maybe, just maybe, that reflection isn't always bad.

   In that moment, when I had all I could take and joined in on the tears, my just-turned-3-year-old's tears immediately stopped. He scooted over, put his arm around me and told me,"It's going to be okay, Momma. You need Daddy to come home and help, huh?" And even though I was able to squeak out a measly "yes", the conversation in my heart was so much richer. God tends to use my children to speak to me. Right then, He showed me that somewhere on this journey, Ace has picked up on how to comfort, how to put someone else's needs before his own, how to be a reflection of Jesus. That he sees how my husband and I work as a team, picking each other up as we stumble. He might not know the importance of that teamwork yet. It's how we keep Satan from sneaking in and taking those "not good enoughs" to "always failing". I pray that one day he will see that it wasn't just the two of us. We are a three-fold cord that is not easily broken, with God as our anchor. That the greatest Father of all, is still parenting us as well. Never leaving or giving up on us. Praise The Lord for that! It's in those low moments, that God reminds me He is there. He is in control. All I need to do is open my eyes and my heart. Take heart, Momma. You are never alone. God is right there with you. And I bet there is another momma somewhere behind a screen going through the same thing. I can promise you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. But when we do have moments where we feel like we're failing, (which we will, we are only human), know that He can turn those moments into something teachable because He is greater. I hope you find as much comfort in these two verses as I do.....

“Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭3:20‬

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:11‬ 

Oh, thank goodness for that!❤️