The House With No Noise

We live in a house with no noise. Don't get me wrong. It's loud. Really, really loud. With a 4 year old and a 1 year old, how could it not be? But noise? Nope. Notta.

How can that be possible?

One way Webster defines noise is this..

Noise (n): any sound that is undesired or interferes with one's hearing of something

So, we got rid of anything that qualifies as noise. And no, I'm not talking about the kids!😉

The main thing we got rid of? TV. 

{gasp}

Now before I go on, this isn't a blog telling you to do the same. This is just me putting our story into words and the things we've experienced along the way. 

Whatever you decide to do with it is up to you...

  We have never paid for cable or satellite in the almost 5 years we've been married, but we still had our "shows". Whether it be on Netflix....or the old school antennae...or even at a friend or our parents' houses, but there's one thing we've noticed. Any time we've been watching tv, we've caught ourselves saying things like...


"Stop doing that. I'm trying to hear."
"Be quiet."
"Quit it. You're making too much noise."

ON. REPEAT.

Our kids were distracting us from what was important!! How dare they, right?

.......or do we have that backwards?

  The thing we've heard from experienced parents the most is, "Enjoy it while you can. It goes by so fast." Or some form of the like. I'm sure you can relate. I may not know or understand what they mean to the extent that they do, but I can fully vouch that these last four years of motherhood have FLOWN by. And as I prepare for Baby #3 to join us, I'm highly aware of how time speeds up with each and every child. Why would I want something to take away from the little time that I have with them? Technology is a beautiful thing...when used purposefully.

  In, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family, Rebecca Hagelin states this, "According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average child views television for approximately fours hours a day." This doesn't include video games, iPads or other technology. MIND. BLOWING.

Did this change happen overnight? No. Does it take work? Everyday.

That's part of the beauty of this life--the growth and evolvement of becoming who He created you to be. Here are some things we've learned along the way.

    1. We're still in the loop. Even though we don't watch the news, we still know (most) of what's going on in the world. Whether it be natural disasters, conflict, weather, heroes that are being acknowledged, updates from the President....or if the Texas Rangers won or not. However, our kids aren't bombarded with carrying the adult-sized burdens that we carry day to day because of what they hear every night. They get to be kids. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago. Ace had a lemonade stand, and the excitement and support our community showed for it was inspiring. At the end of the day, we were uplifted from experiencing some of the good that's in this world. However, the next day we heard on multiple occasions, from multiple people, how they were watching the afternoon news the previous day and how horrible the world is getting. Our hearts hurt that they spent so much time being sad due to the media airing so much of the negative, when we were experiencing so much positive. Also, I can't even begin to describe the amount that my anxiety has decreased by filtering out some of the unnecessary negativity. We have phones and people talk. We hear the important things.

    2. We're content and our confidence has sky-rocketed. Not only has primetime tv gotten lenient on what they air, but so have kid shows in their own content. Not to mention the commercials. We don't see the "next best thing we HAVE to have". Instead of watching someone else and subconsciously comparing ourselves to them, we're just busy doing us. Being the best us we can be. There are plenty of opportunities for the comparison bug to sneak in, whether it be through social media or real life. This is just one thing we can get rid of to help guard our joy.

    3. We haven't lost our entertainment. Y'all, the real life human beings living in our home provide so much entertainment. At the end of the day, I'm not sure when we would fit in a few hours of sitting and watching something that can't look back at me. Think about these two scenarios. My kids put on quite the show and see ME watching them.....or they put on a show and see me not even glance their way because I'm too caught up watching a materialistic item that has no way of reciprocating any love back. If my kids are playing and I ask for their attention and they don't give it to me at the time, I can get frustrated. Isn't that the same thing? Our kids imitate the behaviors they see.

The number one question we get when people hear we don't watch tv--

"Then what do y'all do??"

  We LIVE. Our living room is just that. A room we live in. We teach. We talk. We visit. We play outside. We read. We learn. We explore. We go for walks, bike rides or hikes. We spend time together. We play board games. We encourage our kids to become independent, courageous and bold. We serve. And we love...HARD. That doesn't mean it's all roses and rainbows. Some of that time, we're breaking up fights.....and sometimes we're watching from the sidelines as we let them work it out. Sometimes we're making something new or trying out a recipe. (My kids favorite right now is making homemade butter or whipped cream.) Sometimes we're disciplining, and sometimes we're having an awesome dance party. Sometimes we're drying tears of sadness, and sometimes we find ourselves all laying in the floor and drying our tears caused by uncontrollable silent laughter. At the end of the day, we are flat out exhausted. I think every one of us are as the day comes to a close, but this is a different kind of exhaustion than I've ever felt. It's knowing at the end of the day, I did everything I could. I gave everything I could give. As a wife and a mother. My undivided attention. And I can PROMISE you that looks so FAR from perfection. There are so many nights that I go to bed extremely thankful that God gives me another morning to wake up and do it better. I still have moments where my patience wears thin and I'm "too tired to even deal."✋🏻

  I think it mainly comes down to perspective. Even in those highly frustrating, exhausting, and hard parenting moments...we know that they are learning. They're learning territory, boundaries, personal space, and standing up for themselves.....sometimes that comes in the form of fighting. What's changed is that the distractions are out of my way, and I'm able to see that for what it really is. It's not just some screaming and fighting that makes Momma blow a gasket and yell at everyone. There's a root problem to address. On the contrary though, sometimes that comes in the form of seeing your child show empathy to one another, or to see them share and play well together. I'm also able to see that for what it is, and then let them know that I see them. We believe the need for a child to hear that we see them doing something positive is just as important as disciplining the negative. Think about it like this..... if you worked in an environment where your boss was sure to see and call you out on everything you did wrong (especially in a frustrated tone because he/she was worn out), but never, or very rarely, acknowledge the things you do well or right without being told, it could become a very discouraging workplace. And you're talking about feeling that way as an adult.....put that same kind of scenario on a child that's learning how to feel and control emotions such as frustration and you're just asking for a disaster...or at least a very tense environment.

  Mornings were the hardest time of adjustment for me. I wanted to have some quiet time to get ready for the day, but it was as if once the tv was on, it was really hard to turn off. And honestly, most of the time it always resulted in a tantrum. I would tell Ace to "just go play" instead. I mean he had a crazy amount of toys, but they never seemed to keep his attention for very long. He'd make a massive mess, and then say he didn't have anything to play with. So that's when we got rid of the toys...well, most of them. Now it took some adjusting at first. No tv and about 1/10 of the toys to play with. At times, we felt like horrible parents because as a parent, you want to give you child everything they want. And not to mention the pressure to do so in today's society is so. very. real. But perseverance was is key. Now he gets so lost in his own world of play, it's amazing! And most of the time it's very loud. That world of his consists of dinosaurs, planes and crashing towers. But it doesn't just stop there. We firmly believe there's a balance on encouraging your kid to play by themselves, and you modeling what using your imagination may look like. After all, don't kids seem to want to mirror every single thing we do. Don't be scared to get lost in playing with your child. You will never look back on this time and think--I wish I had watched more tv, or aimlessly scrolled through Facebook more, or played Call Of Duty more often. However, you will look back and long for more time with your family. Real, quality time. As kids, and especially teens, we think life is so hard, and about how we can't wait to grow up. We want to be our own adults and make our own decisions. But often times, we get to that point and realize "adulting is HARD". We look back on our childhood and think how much easier we really had it. What if I told you that you actually get a second chance at childhood...to really enjoy it and not dream it away? You do! Your child's. So let loose and play with them. Enjoy the limited time you have with them. 

  Now, it's not like we forbid our kids to ever watch TV at all. We have a TV, but it's for a movie here and there. We tend to rent one from Redbox maybe once a month, and they still watch a few movies or shows every once in a while at their grandparents', but they're respectful of helping stay in line with the things we do/don't want our kids to watch. But as for our home, the tv goes weeks, and sometimes even months, without even turning it on for a movie.

  Someone once said, "The only real luxury you have is Time. You can't get it back." Use it wisely, friends. That may look different than what it does to us. I'm not saying that you have to get rid of your tv. That's just what works for us in the season we're in now. I'm sure when the kids are older we'll have it, but I hope that the desire to be active and engaged in others around us will be so deeply engrained that it trumps the desire to just sit around and watch tv. What I am getting at is this... we need to stand guard for the "evil" that preys on our families. Sometimes that evil doesn't come in the form of something bad, but something worldly. A distraction from losing sight of what's most important in this life. That can be busyness, extracurricular activities/events, working out, TV, video games, work, beauty, etc. These things aren't bad things. The issue is when we fill our schedules to the brim with these things that we have no time or energy left for the better things. Things like raising disciples for His Kingdom, investing in others, guarding the hearts that live in our homes, even rest.

I'll leave you with this excerpt from chapter 4 of, The Love Dare for Parents,

  "That's why we need to listen to the consistent counsel of genuine love rather than the shifting opinions of a self-centered culture. Love reminds us that children are and have always been priceless, desirable, and a unique treasure. They are our walking, living legacies, each of them bearing untapped potential beyond measure. Love helps us view them the way God view them-as one of our greatest blessings in life. A sacred trust. A privileged responsibility. A precious delight.

....Children are also given to us to help us personally mature as parents. They teach us how to stop being so selfish and to give sacrificially. They pull us out of our comfort zones and stretch our abilities. They repeat our words and test our integrity. They expose our pride and deepen our humility. They help us learn to love more willingly. They enter this world as if to say, 'Here I am, a mirror to reveal you, ready clay for you to mold. I am given to bear your name and reflect your likeness. I am more valuable than anything you own, and I could become your greatest investment in the world.'
  But beyond this, children also enrich the flavor of every season of our lives. Your money will never love you back, kiss you at night, or run in and celebrate with you on Christmas morning. Your possessions will never walk with you down the aisle, give you grandchildren, cry at your funeral, or carry on your legacy to future generations. 
  So regardless of how old your children are, dare to set your eyes and heart back upon them. To prize them. To follow the example of Jesus, welcoming them into your arms and lovingly blessing them and their future lives (Mark 10:16.)"

Something tells me that no matter our age, our Heavenly Father views us the same way. I mean, a God that has everything He could want, still desires you. He placed you to be a hands-on leader of your family with the gifts He handpicked specifically for you and the needs of others around you. Let's do our best to be diligent in using them.   

Finding freedom in self-discipline

I'll never forget it. It was the month Casey made more than he had ever made before (like double his usual income).....and we had less money and were behind on more bills than ever before. We couldn't understand it. How could that be possible? How does that happen? That was the moment. The moment we realized we obviously weren't handling money the right way. The moment we realized we were just going through life and not being intentional with our resources. What was the point of him being away from our family more if we were still struggling? THAT was the moment we knew SOMETHING had to change.......and that something was US. Now before I go on, I know most of us don't have jobs where we can increase our primary income like that. Casey is self-employed and gets paid for the work he does. If he works a lot, he gets paid accordingly. If weather, sickness, or a canceling client causes him to not work, he doesn't get paid.
{{Please don't take this as we have a crazy amount of income. We don't. And I promise you, a lot of you would wonder how we have even put food on the table most months. But not only do we put good food on the table, we are a family full of adventure.}}

Whatever your income though, I can just about guess that you, at some point or another, have had the same thoughts. "Where is my money going??" In fact, Casey had a motto that we had come to recite almost daily. "It's just money. I make more of it every day." But something deep down told me that wasn't how it was supposed to be. In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." That really spoke to me. Because we aren't using our resources the way we should, Casey's having to be away to make more money. Meaning Satan was able to use our naivety of how to use our money, and our pride of trying to "keep up with the Joneses", to steal our time together that we could be spending as a family. And even though we always had fun together, the stress of affording some bill was always looming overhead and, in a sense, stealing some of our joy. We know communication and money stress are two of the biggest reasons couples divorce. That was a word we had promised to never throw around, and while it wasn't that bad, we united to protect our marriage. We refused to let Satan try to slither in with his sneaky lies of "this is just how life is supposed to be" and try to destroy our family, unknowingly to us. When Jesus talks about having a more abundant life.....I know he wasn't talking about stress. There's a happy medium of working to earn a living and using the God-given time to enjoy and invest in your family.

I sat at our dining table and wrote down every expense we had. I used our lowest monthly income and subtracted our expenses to see if we could cover them if we had another month like that. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the first budget in the making. I then noticed all of the lines on that paper that were values where we owed money to someone. It was insane! But mostly it was very normal stuff...Vehicles, student loans, credit cards from before we married, small collections of medical bills from years before, and a property loan. I then went through and saw some items that, technically, could go or downsize.
•Gym membership - I could work out at home.
•Regular shopping trips - A closet full with nothing to wear.
•Restaurants - Y'all WHY was I spending enough on groceries to feed us for the month, just to go out to eat almost daily, and then having to throw most of our rotting food out?? Pure laziness! There's no way around it. And lastly..
•Entertainment. We went and did all the time! We were exhausted and broke and exhausted BECAUSE we were broke.

Resources. We were going to start using them. I then started to do some research, mainly through Pinterest (it's my favorite "search engine" because...visuals!😜Ha), and I came across articles on Dave Ramsey, his baby steps, and his debt snowball. We decided to go all in. What could it hurt? We read his book, Total Money Makeover, and it completely changed our way of thinking about money. That next month blew me away. We not only had enough money left over to get caught up, but to pay an extra month of rent and treat ourselves to a nice dinner. Now, we aren't debt free yet, BUT it's changed our lives. We've downsized debt, and we've paid off A LOT. We have a buffer, and we have had to use and replenish it several times. We have had another baby since then. We saved enough money to cash flow all of the costs of bringing him into this world. Then my insurance changed during my pregnancy, which added several thousand dollars that had to come out of our own pocket immediately. And a month before I was due, my (then) 2-year-old fell in the bathtub, breaking his front two teeth across the roots. He had to have them removed and the cost was due upfront, in full. Even though we had to dip into the money we had saved up, we had it. Before this though...I'm not sure what we would have done. When something like this happens, we just adjust and pick right back up where we left off. Life is going to happen. It's our responsibility to prepare for it. Any chunk of money we've come into since (whether through selling a possession or income tax), has either been to pay towards debt or something that was an absolute need. Yes, it was used intentionally. No, that doesn't always mean it always was fun. However, we have had a ton of fun along the way. It's become a game of how much fun we can have for free or next to nothing. Casey and I even treated ourselves to a cruise (that we cash flowed) after a certain goal amount of debt was paid off for 3 reasons. 1. We reached a goal and wanted to stay motivated.
2. Because we think spending time together and disconnecting from society is good for a marriage every once in a while.
3. We knew we wanted to have another baby, and an opportunity like this would not be possible for a while. (Obviously, this was before I got pregnant with Judd.) Life's too short to not have any fun. Just budget it in!

Our eyes have been opened to what's important and to the difference between a want and a need. There has been a very important lesson in all of this. Contentment. You see, gone are the days of the "poor newlyweds". It amazes me to see our generation live in a comparable way to the generations ahead of us, which mind you probably took years to build up to where they are. But when you are in the midst of an immediate gratification, bigger is better, Pinterest-inspired, "have it your way" world, what can you expect? But at what cost? Our family? Our stress? Our quiet time with Jesus? Our legacy? Here's the deal--we weren't put here to compete with each other, but to serve each other. Follow whatever it is the Holy Spirit lays on your heart of what's best for your family, not what the world tells you. People won't understand you sometimes, but that's what happens when you go against the grain. We don't have a lot of friends surrounding us that are on this same page. In fact, we know very few, but what I would give for others to experience the freedom we've found in the midst of our self-control.

This stuff isn't part of our nature. We're both naturally messy, collector of things, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants doers and spenders. The scales have been peeled off of our eyes and the blinders lowered. God created this as a reap-what-you-sow world. He is a God of order. It's been amazing to see what has transcended after becoming more intentional with our finances and our resources. We've become more intentional with our time, with our space in our home, and with our calendars. One thing we've implemented is taking care of the kitchen immediately after supper. We wash the dishes and silverware, let them dry in a drying rack next to the sink after every meal, sweep, wipe down the counters, and Ace wipes down the table. A couple of nights a week after supper we have a big enough of a load to run the dishwasher. This 5-10 minute routine has allowed us to fully enjoy family time after supper without that chore hanging over our head. Again, freedom in self-discipline. We purged so many possessions it was crazy, including toys. Less stuff to clean, means more time to play. My 3 year old is happier than I've ever seen him, his already big heart is growing even more compassionate, and his imagination is soaring! While we have a tv and DVD player for an occasional movie night, we don't have cable or satellite. Y'all we even got rid of Netflix! What?! I know...crazy! But the belly laughs we've experienced from getting down on the floor and playing with our kids, the deep conversations we've had in our marriage, the memories we've made, the walks we've taken, the cooking lessons we've had, the books we've read, and the love that we've seen between our children when our own eyes aren't glued to a screen is WELL. WORTH. IT.

We've come to this place of living a minimalistic life. When I used to hear the word "minimalism," all that could come to my head is a boring life. But, how my perspective has changed. Allie Casazza says it best in her blog, What exactly is minimalism?,..... "Minimalism is about creating breathing room in your home, your calendar, and your life so that you can be intentional with the people who matter most to you, and present to enjoy them fully."

Find your "why" and keep it at the forefront of your mind, or write it down. You will have days where you feel discouraged, not understood, lack motivation, or just stumble. Your "why" will be how you get back on track. For us, that's our family, our legacy. I so desperately want our kids to have a biblical world-view. I can either let the world teach them worldly ways, or we as their parents can step up to the responsibility we've been given and be an example. Because more is "caught than taught". We're intentional in raising them in a home that aligns with what The Bible teaches, but also intentional in raising them to meet their individual needs. God didn't create a single one of us like another, so why would we try to fit our kids into the same mold.

I want less status. I want less possessions. I want less chaos. I want less of me. I want less. Period. Because it's in "the less" that I have found more. So much more. More freedom. More group hugs. More laughs. More smile lines. More steady breaths. More memories made. More games of chase with my kids. More quality time with my husband. But more than anything...absolutely more of Him!

Enough of the Not-Good-Enoughs

I knew Ace was taking pictures of things around the house as we prepared for nap time. I expected two things:
1. For the images to be in black and white. Since he learned how to use filters, he's been favoring that one.
2. And to see these types of images....

You know, all the important things to a 3 year old. Old Maid, cars, wipes, stuffed animals. However, when nap time rolled around, I found so much more. Pictures that made way for a "God thing" through tear-filled eyes.

95% of the time I'm on the other side of the camera, and I think it's safe to say....if we just look at the candid moments, that number goes to 99.9%. I love freeze framing beauty in everyday moments. The moments that pass you by and you never think twice about. And even though I don't have many of those moments caught on camera, there are images. Images engrained in my mind. And the mothering ones never, ever look like these. Satan likes to slither in and push his lies in place of the truth. He does this most often in the things we're most passionate about. For me, that's my family. Even though I do these things whole-heartedly, that doesn't mean I view myself as gentle, sweet or pure. And that made me realize how that's the case in so many areas of our lives. He pushes this idea that we're never good enough. A good enough wife, mom, daughter, sister or friend.

Never kind enough.

Never gracious enough.

Never rich enough.

Never open enough.

Never available enough.

Never fit enough.

Never pretty enough.

Never smart enough.

Never seen enough.

Never heard enough.

Never understood enough.

If we measure our ourselves, by the rest of the world's standards and our own capabilities, then those aren't lies. Why? Because we live in a society that screams nothing or nobody is ever good enough. Which is actually true. We weren't made to be self-sufficient. There is only ONE that is good enough. It's when we realize we're chasing an unachievable goal, humble ourselves to fully rely on Him, give Him our very best in whatever we do and allow Him to fill in our gaps that we become enough because HE is enough. How sweet it is to know that God knows exactly what I need. He knows exactly what my kids need. He knows exactly what my husband need. And part of what they need is me. He chose ME to be their mom. ME to be his wife. BUT if I solely try to put it on my shoulder's to be all they need and never point their eyes to Him, then I won't be enough. God is the Perfect Father. I'm just the lucky gal he chose to parent my children through. 

I'm not a parenting expert, obviously. Actually, you could say I'm in the earliest stages. But I know this much....I want to be ALL. IN. These are my two words for the year. All in. In everything I do. I want to be very  present in whatever I'm doing or whoever I'm with. Giving the task or the person my undivided attention. If there's one thing I don't want to be able to say at the end of my journey through motherhood, is that I could given it more. I was reminded of this when I had the opportunity to see myself as the everyday mom my 3-year old sees. 

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the not-good-enoughs. Put Satan's lies where they belong, and that's nowhere near your heart. Be present. Whole-heartedly involved. Teachable. Grateful. Intentional. Rejoice in these affirmations and know...when you allow Him to be enough, you are enough.

You are a Daughter of The King. (2 Corinthians 6:18) 

You are made in HIS image. (Genesis 1:27)

You are justified through Christ Jesus. (Romans 5:1) 

You are chosen. (1 Peter 2:9)

You are wanted. (Ephesians 1:4-5)

Utilizing the platform you've been given

  I snapped a very precious picture of my 3 year old sleeping yesterday morning. When I went to post it on social media I typed out one cliche caption after another. You know the ones I'm talking about.....

❤️❤️❤️

#blessed

My sweet boy!

Precious😍

  Not that anything is wrong with captions like that, but this time, none of them just seemed to do. Why? Because although all of those things are true, it would lead to this facade of what I was actually feeling in that moment. At that moment, I just couldn't have 800+ people thinking that I've got it all together. I know so many new moms that are in the thick of raising newborns and toddlers right now, and I couldn't allow thoughts like "Lucky. Her newborn must be sleeping since she's able to be taking pictures of her other kid" or "Her toddler sleeps so good. I mean, gosh it's 9:30 and he's still in bed." Because what that picture doesn't show is the 1:00 am struggle of my husband still trying to get that toddler to sleep while I'm in the other room pleading with my (almost) 3 month old to succumb to sleep as well. Or the non-existent nap time for the toddler causing him to be overly tired. The tears of both child and mother the day before. Both out of frustration. One needing more attention, and one perhaps needing a little bit LESS attention mixed with a tinge of feeling like a failure. Or that ruffle-y gray pillow? One might think we have a nice little bedding set going on. But the fact is, I have a baby boy on my hands that has a fountain go off more often than not during a diaper change, so it's been mix matched with different colored sheets, comforters and quilts for the last couple of months. No matching set ever being clean at the same time. (I mean, come on, who has time for that at 2am?) That picture doesn't show an equally as sweet baby cooing in his sleep just inches away. Or what about the picture of his lunch made of spinach leaves with light raspberry vinaigrette and tuna salad made with avocado? That doesn't show his supper that consisted of a Sonic cheeseburger and chips. Or that time I felt like #supermom wearing my baby while I did the dishes with my toddler quiet playing at my feet, which was immediately followed by a tornado-like scene of clothes being hurled towards the laundry room due to projectile spit up with a screaming toddler in it's midst. We do that, ya know? Catch a glimpse into someone else's life and think you know the whole story, and then start to compare to what's going on in our own lives. The part that nobody else sees unless they're there. In person. You see someone's good and think you need to get your life together. Or you see someone else's failure and your pride steps it up a notch. So, the final caption to that picture?

"We have definitely entered the phase that everyone warns you about when you add a new baby to the family. It's been a rough few days. Three is not an easy age in and of itself, and the jealousy of little brother has hit full force. Our last few days have been filled with more frustration than peace, and more tears than laughs, but we're a family that perseveres and loves hard. We're going to be just fine. God knew how bad I needed this view and extra snuggles this morning. My sweet Ace. You've got the biggest heart.❤️  #reallife"

  One might read that and think..."she wants sympathy" or "she's dealing with postpartum hormones". Or on the other side of that, and the response it got the most,"Amen, I can relate!" You see, I'm called to live this life as transparent as I can. Transparency. Just the calling I longed for.😉

  Growing up I was heavily involved in church and youth group. I was at every event and on every mission trip. I played multiple sports beyond just my school teams. Throughout college, I was involved in different clubs, intramural sports, a sorority, and I was a cheerleader at a junior college after never cheering a day in my life. I was a junior high and high school teacher. I've coached volleyball, basketball, softball and gymnastics from ages 3-18.. And I've served alongside my husband as he stepped into the youth pastor role at a church we attended for a couple of years. I always had a platform to be used as a tool for God's handiwork. And, honestly, I rarely took advantage of that. Mainly because I was so immature in my Christian walk, but a lot has do with that's just not the norm. I would be transparent, but only on MY terms. When I wanted to be and with whom I wanted to be. 

  We're no longer serving in that role of youth pastor, as our lives are going down a different path right now. My main job comes with the title of 'Momma', even though I do have a part-time in-home job, as well. There are no coworkers, no students, no colleagues or teammates. I've known my whole life that I was made to be a wife and a mom. I pour my heart into my husband and my kids. The thing with my husband is, I benefit from pouring myself into our relationship. Not just him. Not just our kids. And my kids? Well, my husband and I say that our goal in parenthood is to raise God-fearing adults with compassion for others. Adults that have a deep relationship with Him. Not just "good kids". With kids, you can put every ounce of effort you have into guiding them and not see any fruit right away. It might be years even. Or, most often for us, that fruit ripens when we aren't even around to see it. When they're on someone else's clock. Sometimes that can be discouraging if I let it. I mean, come on, I want to see the fruits of my labor. But you know what? It's not about me. It's about Him. But for a long time, I questioned if God would ever grant me one of those big platforms again. You know the ones with the opportunity to bring a lot of people to Christ. The ones that people tell you how much you helped shape their walk with Him even years down the road. Not just ones that bring my own kids to know Him, but others as well. Because I naturally feel as if it's just my responsibility that comes with the territory of being a parent. For me to stay home with the kids, there isn't much money lying around for huge mission trips to give hope to those that are in need of it. There are no coworkers across down the hall, or at the adjacent cubicle, to speak truth to. There are no amazing vocals coming out of this mouth with the ability to move people to tears during worship. And with us transitioning to a new church, there isn't the influence we've had before to lead a group. Will He ever give me a stage again? But He knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what I need. He knows that if He were to give me a big stage, I might just get a little prideful. And maybe even so preoccupied with the busywork that's comes with a position like that, that it would be so easy for me to push my obedience to Him to the side. I honestly believe He had to strip those "platforms" away so that I would solely seek Him.

  The other day I was telling my husband all of these things, and apparently he had been thinking along this same topic in his own mind too. It's funny. About a year ago, he prayed over our marriage. That God would sync our minds and our hearts. If you ever want some incredible mind-blowing experiences in your marriage, pray for that. So this wasn't out of the ordinary for us. It's almost a daily thing. He told me that he had been praying about this same thing, asking God if he'd ever have a big platform where he would be used. Like to lead a group, a church or maybe even plant a church. (We dream big around here!) He told me as he was praying about this, God spoke softly to his heart, "If you don't utilize what you think is a small platform for My Kingdom, why do you think you're ready for what you see as a big one? Do you pray with your family daily? Do you tell you kids about what Jesus is doing in your life so that they see how alive I am? Do you move when I say go?" And it got me to thinking, my life IS my platform. My daily life. And so is yours. How we carry ourselves, how we dress, how we talk, how we care for others, or take the time to notice someone. How we invest in relationships. Whether it's in the ones that we'll have for a lifetime, or the ones that last just the split second we have to smile at a passerby. If you're anything like me, you tend to have a word that pops up for different seasons of your life. The one that has continued to show itself almost daily in my life over the past two years is humility. Yeah, not the the word I'm anxiously waiting to experience. Not love, kindness, wisdom or faithfulness. No, humility. In the beginning I had no idea where God was going with that one, but over the years it's become more evident. I'm called to tear down the barriers of my life that we're so quick to put up. I'm called to share my sufferings with you. Taking myself out of the equation. Taking up my cross daily and laying down my own desires so that His Will may be seen.

  So, I want to encourage you. No matter where you are in life, whether you have a "big platform" or a small one, God can, and will, use you because He is so much greater than any circumstance, job title or label. All you have to do is open your heart, follow hard after Him and let Him fill you to overflowing. It may not always be fun. And most of the time, He'll have you go out of your comfort zone. (Hello, blog.) Live boldly anyway. You never know who He'll use you to reach. Literally, you may never know them. But it isn't really about us anyway, right? So let's use the tools He's given us. Afterall, they were His to begin with.

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." ‭‭Ephesians‬  2:10

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans‬ ‭5:3-5‬ 

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:19-21

Hope in a Fallen World

Hope in a Fallen World

  It's summer here in Texas, which can only mean one thing.....it's HOT. And actually it's been a really mild one for us. We're just now reaching up into the 100s, but around here that's too hot for our active lifestyle in the peak of the day. I have a boy that's quite busy and wants to play baseball 24/7. (Not just the usual catch. All of it. Pitching, catching, hitting, fielding, sliding, umpiring. But I'm sure I'll share all that in its own post later.) Usually we get out during the mornings and late afternoons, but be sure to plan out indoor activities, lunch and nap time during the hottest hours. However, since this newest one has been born a couple of months ago, Ace has been sleeping in waaaayyyy later than normal, so it's usually later in the day when we make it outside to play. I don't mind though. As Judd is starting to sleep longer stretches at night, I've been able to trade those morning zzzz's for my coffee and Jesus time again, but this time with two sweet boys snuggling next to me in bed. The messy hair, the sweet breathing, their soft baby skin, the smell of coffee, the sound of the pages in my bible rattling from the whir of the fan on my nightstand, the time with God where I can feel my heart shifting and preparing for the day ahead, the great expectation that comes with the excitement of a new day ready to unfold. It's absolutely my favorite time of day.

  Except on the morning of July 8, 2016, there was a solemn overcast, a deep hurt in my core. It was the morning after the Dallas police force was ambushed while they were patrolling a peaceful protest, resulting in four Dallas and one DART police officers lives lost and 7 other injured. As someone said to me, the darkest day for Dallas since JFK's assassination. I sat there hurting for these families, coworkers and friends of these men. I cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak they are experiencing. I, along with so many of you, continue to lift them up in my prayers, may the Lord comfort and grant them peace beyond comprehension during this time, the days and the years ahead.

  My husband and I had stayed up late waiting and watching as more information unfolded through the night. At some point we fell asleep, though I'm not sure when that was. As I've said in my previous post, being a mother at home can sometimes be a little lonely throughout the day, but the days where tragedy strikes that's especially true. Days like that seem to be happening more often. You mix that with not getting outside as much as usual, you can really feel like the world is falling completely apart. I have to try to get out and run an errand or two just so I have some kind interaction that reminds me that there still are really great people in this world . It's something Satan can really use against me. Fear. Fear to get out because of all you see in the media, and on social media, during a time like that. I honestly believe that Satan uses fear to try to make me a recluse, to separate fellow Christians from lifting each other up and glorifying God in such a hard time, and to be a light for Him, and share the good news to those that aren't Christ followers. But 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 

  I recited this scripture over and over in my head hoping it would sink down in the depths of my soul and calm me. But I was struggling. This wasn't the only tragic event recently. It was surrounded by days and weeks of others. But this one hit really close to home. Close in proximity, close in family and friends being in this same line of work, close in seeing how many of these men had sweet wives and children back home just like me, close in that the ones that protect us in this country the most were being targeted, and close because I have family that, due to their own experiences, has taught me that there absolutely is racism that still exists in this free world, without even speaking a word. And in that moment, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt for bringing such precious and innocent children into such a fallen world. I called out to God. "This is getting out of hand. Please come back and save Your people. We long for Your return. How am I supposed to raise my children in this world? Raise them to know You? I'm scared. I know You have a plan, but the flesh side of me is uneasy because I can't see what that plan is." And then it hit me. This world has had tragedy amongst it since The Fall in Eden. I don't say that to be insensitive, but to find comfort. There has been war, death, murder and sin since that day Satan disguised himself as a serpent and deceived Eve. God has been there through it all. That's why He sent His only Son all those years ago. To a fallen world. To give us HOPE. How sad it would be to go through and experience tragedy without this hope. So while I sat there nursing my baby and watching my toddler play with playdoh at my feet, I silently went to the Lord again in prayer, "Thank you for Jesus. Thank You for sending Your Son here, knowing how broken of a world it is. That's true love. Thank You for the hope that Your Son's life bought us. All of us. The war on sin was waged those 2000 year ago, and I know the outcome. We win. Thank You for loving us unconditionally." And at that exact moment I hear the sweetest voice start to sing,"You sought me and bought me with His redeeming love." My 3 year old with no idea about what's going on in the world. Praising Jesus. And once again, that the Holy Spirit speaking to me through him. So with a knot in my throat I joined in.

"I heard an old, old story,
How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary
To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning,
Of His precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins
And won the victory

O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood." 

Thank you, Jesus. 

 

As we finished singing, my three year old's smile turned to concern as he noticed the tears streaming down my face.

"Momma, you sad?"

"Yes. But also, I'm so proud of you. I'm thankful for you. And I hope I can raise you in a way that you know Jesus so very personally and spread His love to others."

"Momma, we need to sing more."

Thinking that was way too wordy and complicated of a response for him to understand, I reply..

"Sure. What would you like to sing?"

"Wise man Built His House on the Rock."

At this point, I'm floored. I could hardly get the words out and the tears were flowing.

"The wise man built his house upon the rock

The wise man built his house upon the rock

The wise man built his house upon the rock

And the rain came tumbling down

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

And the wise man's house stood firm

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

And the rain came tumbling down

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

The rain came down and the floods came up

And the foolish man's house went SPLAT👏🏻

So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ

And the blessings will come down

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

The blessings come down as your prayers go up

So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ"

  Foundation. A strong one. Built on the Lord Jesus Christ. THAT'S how I'll raise my children in this world. I needed that reminder. And I also take responsibility for that foundation to be poured. It's not our schools, churches, pastors or youth pastors, the government, or extended families' responsibility, but first and foremost it's ours. Parents. Yes, they are there to supplement and aid in helping to do so. You've heard before "it takes a village to raise a kid." That is a very true statement. So let's band together for this next generation's sake and be the leaders in our homes that we are called to be. 

"Lord, this world can be a scary place. Your word warns us that it will be this way before Jesus comes again. May we try to find some sort of comfort in that. Help us to be courageous just as Your Son was. Just as those officers were. That we don't turn and run in fear, but that we use that as an opportunity to serve. To be a light. A city on a hill. To bring glory to Your Name. May we be used as vessels to bring Your love to a world that so desperately needs to know it personally. Thank You for the hope You gave us through Your Son. Thank You for knowing all and taking that burden from us. And mostly, thank You for the victory You have already won. And until we are all in heaven singing praises all the days of our lives, until there is no more pain, no more suffering, keep speaking to us. Letting us know You're right there. Helping us to be bold in bringing others to You and keeping the hope You give us surfacing for all to see. May we all have the faith of a child. To find the good in tough times. For us parents to raise BOLD warriors for Your Kingdom. Thank You for these precious gifts, and thank You for loving us despite our faults. For filling in our gaps as parents. Help us to see and display the unconditional love You have for us....no matter what our age, color, size, class are. Help that to unify us as a country so that we may spread that love world-wide. You loved us first, so I say, we love You, too. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

"But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say? Whoever comes to Me, and hears My sayings and does them, I will show you whom he is like: He is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently against that house, and could not shake it, for it was founded on the rock. But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great."

‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:46-49‬

 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14-16‬‬‬

"And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:2-6‬

  To the ones that are experiencing the hurt that comes with racism, I am so sorry you are enduring that. I can't imagine the frustration that comes with feeling that the sufferings of your forefathers was in vain and the desire to have the world free of it for your children and generations to come. I pray that it will come to pass very soon. 

  To the servicemen and women that lay down their lives for our safety and freedom, that unselfishly go out into the streets daily for others, your courage in your duty and loyalty to your country does not go unnoticed. I pray for mind clarity, peace, God's companionship, and appreciation from others every time you put that uniform on. We salute you. Thank you for your service. 

  And, last but not least, to the families that have someone in the line of duty, here on the U.S. turf or overseas, thank you for your sacrifice, as well. I can't imagine the fear that comes while your loved one is on shift, or a mission, and not being able to have immediate communication at the touch of a button at all times. My heart especially goes out to the families that have lost their loved ones in the line of duty. May you have a support system around you that is strong, and may you feel peace and comfort that only God can extend. Keep their legacy alive. 

•the morning God met me smack dab in the middle of the play kitchen•

Every morning before Ace wakes up, I try to have my quiet time with God. It's my coffee and Jesus time. Today was no exception, except for the fact that I couldn't get my head to keep from spinning. My heart was willing, but my mind was weak with a to-do list that seemed like miles long. I had my time until I had to get

up and get the day started. I felt discouraged and not prepared for the day. But Romans 8:26 tells us,"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words." And boy, does He ever!! 🙏🏻

As I was cooking breakfast, Ace was also preparing breakfast in his kitchen. We had 15 mins left before we had to leave to get him to school, and we were still in PJs and needing to eat. I was stressed and running around like a madman. (Ace is going through this particular phase where he copies everything he sees, both good and bad behaviors. As a parent, we so worry our kids will pick up on our flaws more than our strengths. We are our own worst critics sometimes. And that's something I pray about daily!)

As I announced that breakfast was ready, I heard him joyfully shout, "ready!" pointing to the spread he had also prepared. And when I told him we didn't have much time and ask if he was ready to eat, he replied with,"Wait, wait! Pray."

And so, we prayed over our food, both real and pretend. And I couldn't help but thank God for another teachable moment, when he uses my child as the teacher and me the student. For answered prayers. And for moments of encouragement, when God meets me in that place and let's me know I must be doing something right. Right there in the play kitchen.❤️❤️

A reminder for when I'm in need of an escape...

Every young mom has heard statements like, "The days are long but the years are short," and "Enjoy them while you can because they'll be grown before you know it," tossed around probably every week of her life since she entered into motherhood. So when you are having one of those long, long, looooonnggg days that you want to end just so you can have a fresh start the next day, you feel so guilty. You know there are others that would love to be where you are. But honestly, in those moments where you find yourself joining in on the meltdowns that both your newborn and toddler on indulging themselves in, your instinct is not to be thankful in the least bit. Add that to that days dose of mom guil, which already consists of getting your toddler to bed too late the night before, not giving him enough attention when your newborn wakes you both up starving that morning so you find a quick fix to preoccupy your toddler long enough to feed your newborn (probably one consisting of too much sugar), the frustration your nursing newborn is experiencing since you slacked in the hydration department the few days prior, and then it's nap time. Oh, that blasted nap time. Oy. I have a love/hate relationship with nap time. You finally get one-on-one time with your toddler, just long enough for his eyes to begin getting heavy, and your newborn wakes up. Three hours of them tag-teaming you later, they both give in to sleep, and you're left beating yourself up for how you handled all of it. Even though I'm never alone with these two glued to my hip, in times like these, motherhood can be very lonely. Why? Because we never see those moments shared on social media. Is it because other moms don't want to admit they have them to, or are you the only one that feels like you're failing in the mom department some days? I mean not everybody can have their stuff together like it seems, right? Maybe it's because in those moments, we're actually doing what we are supposed to be doing. Mothering. Solving problems. Working through the hard times and comforting our little ones. Leaving no time to spare to get your camera out so you can "be real" for a minute. I find myself in need of an escape in moments like that. A fast one. A quick fix. One I can have right at my fingertips, if you will. Because I am so busy taking care of two munchkins that solely rely on me for their everyday needs, I don't have much time to spare. (That doesn't get overwhelming or anything.) The easiest escape? Social media. But even after checking Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest and even my email 5 times each within 10 minutes, I still find myself in need of an escape. Why? The Holy Spirit gently reminded me that those things aren't what my soul longs for. He is. He gently spoke to my heart. That's what we does. He's so very gentle. It's in times like that where I'm extremely vulnerable. Vulnerable to the "not good enoughs". That's when it's so crucial to guard my heart against comparison. Don't compare your behind-the-scenes with somebody else's highlight reel. Because that's really what social media is, right? A highlight reel. It's not that other mothers aren't experiencing these same trying times. I mean honestly, who wants to reminisce on moments that led you to feel a little broken-hearted and a whole lot of guilt that sometimes comes with motherhood. I don't want those popping up on my TimeHop each year. But maybe I need to. It's in moments like that where God brings me back to right where I need to be. At the foot of the cross. Humbly, prayerfully at His feet. Solely relying on His strength. Am I a mother? Yes. But first and foremost, I am a daughter of The King. He has granted me guardianship of two of his precious sons, and I want nothing more than for Him to parent them through me. Why? Because children reflect what they see. And I want them to see Jesus. I want them to come to know their good, good Father. Although I feel like I'm looking in a mirror sometimes, maybe, just maybe, that reflection isn't always bad.

   In that moment, when I had all I could take and joined in on the tears, my just-turned-3-year-old's tears immediately stopped. He scooted over, put his arm around me and told me,"It's going to be okay, Momma. You need Daddy to come home and help, huh?" And even though I was able to squeak out a measly "yes", the conversation in my heart was so much richer. God tends to use my children to speak to me. Right then, He showed me that somewhere on this journey, Ace has picked up on how to comfort, how to put someone else's needs before his own, how to be a reflection of Jesus. That he sees how my husband and I work as a team, picking each other up as we stumble. He might not know the importance of that teamwork yet. It's how we keep Satan from sneaking in and taking those "not good enoughs" to "always failing". I pray that one day he will see that it wasn't just the two of us. We are a three-fold cord that is not easily broken, with God as our anchor. That the greatest Father of all, is still parenting us as well. Never leaving or giving up on us. Praise The Lord for that! It's in those low moments, that God reminds me He is there. He is in control. All I need to do is open my eyes and my heart. Take heart, Momma. You are never alone. God is right there with you. And I bet there is another momma somewhere behind a screen going through the same thing. I can promise you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. But when we do have moments where we feel like we're failing, (which we will, we are only human), know that He can turn those moments into something teachable because He is greater. I hope you find as much comfort in these two verses as I do.....

“Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭3:20‬

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:11‬ 

Oh, thank goodness for that!❤️