We live in a house with no noise. Don't get me wrong. It's loud. Really, really loud. With a 4 year old and a 1 year old, how could it not be? But noise? Nope. Notta.
How can that be possible?
One way Webster defines noise is this..
Noise (n): any sound that is undesired or interferes with one's hearing of something
So, we got rid of anything that qualifies as noise. And no, I'm not talking about the kids!😉
The main thing we got rid of? TV.
{gasp}
Now before I go on, this isn't a blog telling you to do the same. This is just me putting our story into words and the things we've experienced along the way.
Whatever you decide to do with it is up to you...
We have never paid for cable or satellite in the almost 5 years we've been married, but we still had our "shows". Whether it be on Netflix....or the old school antennae...or even at a friend or our parents' houses, but there's one thing we've noticed. Any time we've been watching tv, we've caught ourselves saying things like...
"Stop doing that. I'm trying to hear."
"Be quiet."
"Quit it. You're making too much noise."
ON. REPEAT.
Our kids were distracting us from what was important!! How dare they, right?
.......or do we have that backwards?
The thing we've heard from experienced parents the most is, "Enjoy it while you can. It goes by so fast." Or some form of the like. I'm sure you can relate. I may not know or understand what they mean to the extent that they do, but I can fully vouch that these last four years of motherhood have FLOWN by. And as I prepare for Baby #3 to join us, I'm highly aware of how time speeds up with each and every child. Why would I want something to take away from the little time that I have with them? Technology is a beautiful thing...when used purposefully.
In, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family, Rebecca Hagelin states this, "According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average child views television for approximately fours hours a day." This doesn't include video games, iPads or other technology. MIND. BLOWING.
Did this change happen overnight? No. Does it take work? Everyday.
That's part of the beauty of this life--the growth and evolvement of becoming who He created you to be. Here are some things we've learned along the way.
1. We're still in the loop. Even though we don't watch the news, we still know (most) of what's going on in the world. Whether it be natural disasters, conflict, weather, heroes that are being acknowledged, updates from the President....or if the Texas Rangers won or not. However, our kids aren't bombarded with carrying the adult-sized burdens that we carry day to day because of what they hear every night. They get to be kids. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago. Ace had a lemonade stand, and the excitement and support our community showed for it was inspiring. At the end of the day, we were uplifted from experiencing some of the good that's in this world. However, the next day we heard on multiple occasions, from multiple people, how they were watching the afternoon news the previous day and how horrible the world is getting. Our hearts hurt that they spent so much time being sad due to the media airing so much of the negative, when we were experiencing so much positive. Also, I can't even begin to describe the amount that my anxiety has decreased by filtering out some of the unnecessary negativity. We have phones and people talk. We hear the important things.
2. We're content and our confidence has sky-rocketed. Not only has primetime tv gotten lenient on what they air, but so have kid shows in their own content. Not to mention the commercials. We don't see the "next best thing we HAVE to have". Instead of watching someone else and subconsciously comparing ourselves to them, we're just busy doing us. Being the best us we can be. There are plenty of opportunities for the comparison bug to sneak in, whether it be through social media or real life. This is just one thing we can get rid of to help guard our joy.
3. We haven't lost our entertainment. Y'all, the real life human beings living in our home provide so much entertainment. At the end of the day, I'm not sure when we would fit in a few hours of sitting and watching something that can't look back at me. Think about these two scenarios. My kids put on quite the show and see ME watching them.....or they put on a show and see me not even glance their way because I'm too caught up watching a materialistic item that has no way of reciprocating any love back. If my kids are playing and I ask for their attention and they don't give it to me at the time, I can get frustrated. Isn't that the same thing? Our kids imitate the behaviors they see.
The number one question we get when people hear we don't watch tv--
"Then what do y'all do??"
We LIVE. Our living room is just that. A room we live in. We teach. We talk. We visit. We play outside. We read. We learn. We explore. We go for walks, bike rides or hikes. We spend time together. We play board games. We encourage our kids to become independent, courageous and bold. We serve. And we love...HARD. That doesn't mean it's all roses and rainbows. Some of that time, we're breaking up fights.....and sometimes we're watching from the sidelines as we let them work it out. Sometimes we're making something new or trying out a recipe. (My kids favorite right now is making homemade butter or whipped cream.) Sometimes we're disciplining, and sometimes we're having an awesome dance party. Sometimes we're drying tears of sadness, and sometimes we find ourselves all laying in the floor and drying our tears caused by uncontrollable silent laughter. At the end of the day, we are flat out exhausted. I think every one of us are as the day comes to a close, but this is a different kind of exhaustion than I've ever felt. It's knowing at the end of the day, I did everything I could. I gave everything I could give. As a wife and a mother. My undivided attention. And I can PROMISE you that looks so FAR from perfection. There are so many nights that I go to bed extremely thankful that God gives me another morning to wake up and do it better. I still have moments where my patience wears thin and I'm "too tired to even deal."✋🏻
I think it mainly comes down to perspective. Even in those highly frustrating, exhausting, and hard parenting moments...we know that they are learning. They're learning territory, boundaries, personal space, and standing up for themselves.....sometimes that comes in the form of fighting. What's changed is that the distractions are out of my way, and I'm able to see that for what it really is. It's not just some screaming and fighting that makes Momma blow a gasket and yell at everyone. There's a root problem to address. On the contrary though, sometimes that comes in the form of seeing your child show empathy to one another, or to see them share and play well together. I'm also able to see that for what it is, and then let them know that I see them. We believe the need for a child to hear that we see them doing something positive is just as important as disciplining the negative. Think about it like this..... if you worked in an environment where your boss was sure to see and call you out on everything you did wrong (especially in a frustrated tone because he/she was worn out), but never, or very rarely, acknowledge the things you do well or right without being told, it could become a very discouraging workplace. And you're talking about feeling that way as an adult.....put that same kind of scenario on a child that's learning how to feel and control emotions such as frustration and you're just asking for a disaster...or at least a very tense environment.
Mornings were the hardest time of adjustment for me. I wanted to have some quiet time to get ready for the day, but it was as if once the tv was on, it was really hard to turn off. And honestly, most of the time it always resulted in a tantrum. I would tell Ace to "just go play" instead. I mean he had a crazy amount of toys, but they never seemed to keep his attention for very long. He'd make a massive mess, and then say he didn't have anything to play with. So that's when we got rid of the toys...well, most of them. Now it took some adjusting at first. No tv and about 1/10 of the toys to play with. At times, we felt like horrible parents because as a parent, you want to give you child everything they want. And not to mention the pressure to do so in today's society is so. very. real. But perseverance was is key. Now he gets so lost in his own world of play, it's amazing! And most of the time it's very loud. That world of his consists of dinosaurs, planes and crashing towers. But it doesn't just stop there. We firmly believe there's a balance on encouraging your kid to play by themselves, and you modeling what using your imagination may look like. After all, don't kids seem to want to mirror every single thing we do. Don't be scared to get lost in playing with your child. You will never look back on this time and think--I wish I had watched more tv, or aimlessly scrolled through Facebook more, or played Call Of Duty more often. However, you will look back and long for more time with your family. Real, quality time. As kids, and especially teens, we think life is so hard, and about how we can't wait to grow up. We want to be our own adults and make our own decisions. But often times, we get to that point and realize "adulting is HARD". We look back on our childhood and think how much easier we really had it. What if I told you that you actually get a second chance at childhood...to really enjoy it and not dream it away? You do! Your child's. So let loose and play with them. Enjoy the limited time you have with them.
Someone once said, "The only real luxury you have is Time. You can't get it back." Use it wisely, friends. That may look different than what it does to us. I'm not saying that you have to get rid of your tv. That's just what works for us in the season we're in now. I'm sure when the kids are older we'll have it, but I hope that the desire to be active and engaged in others around us will be so deeply engrained that it trumps the desire to just sit around and watch tv. What I am getting at is this... we need to stand guard for the "evil" that preys on our families. Sometimes that evil doesn't come in the form of something bad, but something worldly. A distraction from losing sight of what's most important in this life. That can be busyness, extracurricular activities/events, working out, TV, video games, work, beauty, etc. These things aren't bad things. The issue is when we fill our schedules to the brim with these things that we have no time or energy left for the better things. Things like raising disciples for His Kingdom, investing in others, guarding the hearts that live in our homes, even rest.
I'll leave you with this excerpt from chapter 4 of, The Love Dare for Parents,
"That's why we need to listen to the consistent counsel of genuine love rather than the shifting opinions of a self-centered culture. Love reminds us that children are and have always been priceless, desirable, and a unique treasure. They are our walking, living legacies, each of them bearing untapped potential beyond measure. Love helps us view them the way God view them-as one of our greatest blessings in life. A sacred trust. A privileged responsibility. A precious delight.
....Children are also given to us to help us personally mature as parents. They teach us how to stop being so selfish and to give sacrificially. They pull us out of our comfort zones and stretch our abilities. They repeat our words and test our integrity. They expose our pride and deepen our humility. They help us learn to love more willingly. They enter this world as if to say, 'Here I am, a mirror to reveal you, ready clay for you to mold. I am given to bear your name and reflect your likeness. I am more valuable than anything you own, and I could become your greatest investment in the world.'
But beyond this, children also enrich the flavor of every season of our lives. Your money will never love you back, kiss you at night, or run in and celebrate with you on Christmas morning. Your possessions will never walk with you down the aisle, give you grandchildren, cry at your funeral, or carry on your legacy to future generations.
So regardless of how old your children are, dare to set your eyes and heart back upon them. To prize them. To follow the example of Jesus, welcoming them into your arms and lovingly blessing them and their future lives (Mark 10:16.)"
Something tells me that no matter our age, our Heavenly Father views us the same way. I mean, a God that has everything He could want, still desires you. He placed you to be a hands-on leader of your family with the gifts He handpicked specifically for you and the needs of others around you. Let's do our best to be diligent in using them.
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