Finding freedom in self-discipline

I'll never forget it. It was the month Casey made more than he had ever made before (like double his usual income).....and we had less money and were behind on more bills than ever before. We couldn't understand it. How could that be possible? How does that happen? That was the moment. The moment we realized we obviously weren't handling money the right way. The moment we realized we were just going through life and not being intentional with our resources. What was the point of him being away from our family more if we were still struggling? THAT was the moment we knew SOMETHING had to change.......and that something was US. Now before I go on, I know most of us don't have jobs where we can increase our primary income like that. Casey is self-employed and gets paid for the work he does. If he works a lot, he gets paid accordingly. If weather, sickness, or a canceling client causes him to not work, he doesn't get paid.
{{Please don't take this as we have a crazy amount of income. We don't. And I promise you, a lot of you would wonder how we have even put food on the table most months. But not only do we put good food on the table, we are a family full of adventure.}}

Whatever your income though, I can just about guess that you, at some point or another, have had the same thoughts. "Where is my money going??" In fact, Casey had a motto that we had come to recite almost daily. "It's just money. I make more of it every day." But something deep down told me that wasn't how it was supposed to be. In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." That really spoke to me. Because we aren't using our resources the way we should, Casey's having to be away to make more money. Meaning Satan was able to use our naivety of how to use our money, and our pride of trying to "keep up with the Joneses", to steal our time together that we could be spending as a family. And even though we always had fun together, the stress of affording some bill was always looming overhead and, in a sense, stealing some of our joy. We know communication and money stress are two of the biggest reasons couples divorce. That was a word we had promised to never throw around, and while it wasn't that bad, we united to protect our marriage. We refused to let Satan try to slither in with his sneaky lies of "this is just how life is supposed to be" and try to destroy our family, unknowingly to us. When Jesus talks about having a more abundant life.....I know he wasn't talking about stress. There's a happy medium of working to earn a living and using the God-given time to enjoy and invest in your family.

I sat at our dining table and wrote down every expense we had. I used our lowest monthly income and subtracted our expenses to see if we could cover them if we had another month like that. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the first budget in the making. I then noticed all of the lines on that paper that were values where we owed money to someone. It was insane! But mostly it was very normal stuff...Vehicles, student loans, credit cards from before we married, small collections of medical bills from years before, and a property loan. I then went through and saw some items that, technically, could go or downsize.
•Gym membership - I could work out at home.
•Regular shopping trips - A closet full with nothing to wear.
•Restaurants - Y'all WHY was I spending enough on groceries to feed us for the month, just to go out to eat almost daily, and then having to throw most of our rotting food out?? Pure laziness! There's no way around it. And lastly..
•Entertainment. We went and did all the time! We were exhausted and broke and exhausted BECAUSE we were broke.

Resources. We were going to start using them. I then started to do some research, mainly through Pinterest (it's my favorite "search engine" because...visuals!😜Ha), and I came across articles on Dave Ramsey, his baby steps, and his debt snowball. We decided to go all in. What could it hurt? We read his book, Total Money Makeover, and it completely changed our way of thinking about money. That next month blew me away. We not only had enough money left over to get caught up, but to pay an extra month of rent and treat ourselves to a nice dinner. Now, we aren't debt free yet, BUT it's changed our lives. We've downsized debt, and we've paid off A LOT. We have a buffer, and we have had to use and replenish it several times. We have had another baby since then. We saved enough money to cash flow all of the costs of bringing him into this world. Then my insurance changed during my pregnancy, which added several thousand dollars that had to come out of our own pocket immediately. And a month before I was due, my (then) 2-year-old fell in the bathtub, breaking his front two teeth across the roots. He had to have them removed and the cost was due upfront, in full. Even though we had to dip into the money we had saved up, we had it. Before this though...I'm not sure what we would have done. When something like this happens, we just adjust and pick right back up where we left off. Life is going to happen. It's our responsibility to prepare for it. Any chunk of money we've come into since (whether through selling a possession or income tax), has either been to pay towards debt or something that was an absolute need. Yes, it was used intentionally. No, that doesn't always mean it always was fun. However, we have had a ton of fun along the way. It's become a game of how much fun we can have for free or next to nothing. Casey and I even treated ourselves to a cruise (that we cash flowed) after a certain goal amount of debt was paid off for 3 reasons. 1. We reached a goal and wanted to stay motivated.
2. Because we think spending time together and disconnecting from society is good for a marriage every once in a while.
3. We knew we wanted to have another baby, and an opportunity like this would not be possible for a while. (Obviously, this was before I got pregnant with Judd.) Life's too short to not have any fun. Just budget it in!

Our eyes have been opened to what's important and to the difference between a want and a need. There has been a very important lesson in all of this. Contentment. You see, gone are the days of the "poor newlyweds". It amazes me to see our generation live in a comparable way to the generations ahead of us, which mind you probably took years to build up to where they are. But when you are in the midst of an immediate gratification, bigger is better, Pinterest-inspired, "have it your way" world, what can you expect? But at what cost? Our family? Our stress? Our quiet time with Jesus? Our legacy? Here's the deal--we weren't put here to compete with each other, but to serve each other. Follow whatever it is the Holy Spirit lays on your heart of what's best for your family, not what the world tells you. People won't understand you sometimes, but that's what happens when you go against the grain. We don't have a lot of friends surrounding us that are on this same page. In fact, we know very few, but what I would give for others to experience the freedom we've found in the midst of our self-control.

This stuff isn't part of our nature. We're both naturally messy, collector of things, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants doers and spenders. The scales have been peeled off of our eyes and the blinders lowered. God created this as a reap-what-you-sow world. He is a God of order. It's been amazing to see what has transcended after becoming more intentional with our finances and our resources. We've become more intentional with our time, with our space in our home, and with our calendars. One thing we've implemented is taking care of the kitchen immediately after supper. We wash the dishes and silverware, let them dry in a drying rack next to the sink after every meal, sweep, wipe down the counters, and Ace wipes down the table. A couple of nights a week after supper we have a big enough of a load to run the dishwasher. This 5-10 minute routine has allowed us to fully enjoy family time after supper without that chore hanging over our head. Again, freedom in self-discipline. We purged so many possessions it was crazy, including toys. Less stuff to clean, means more time to play. My 3 year old is happier than I've ever seen him, his already big heart is growing even more compassionate, and his imagination is soaring! While we have a tv and DVD player for an occasional movie night, we don't have cable or satellite. Y'all we even got rid of Netflix! What?! I know...crazy! But the belly laughs we've experienced from getting down on the floor and playing with our kids, the deep conversations we've had in our marriage, the memories we've made, the walks we've taken, the cooking lessons we've had, the books we've read, and the love that we've seen between our children when our own eyes aren't glued to a screen is WELL. WORTH. IT.

We've come to this place of living a minimalistic life. When I used to hear the word "minimalism," all that could come to my head is a boring life. But, how my perspective has changed. Allie Casazza says it best in her blog, What exactly is minimalism?,..... "Minimalism is about creating breathing room in your home, your calendar, and your life so that you can be intentional with the people who matter most to you, and present to enjoy them fully."

Find your "why" and keep it at the forefront of your mind, or write it down. You will have days where you feel discouraged, not understood, lack motivation, or just stumble. Your "why" will be how you get back on track. For us, that's our family, our legacy. I so desperately want our kids to have a biblical world-view. I can either let the world teach them worldly ways, or we as their parents can step up to the responsibility we've been given and be an example. Because more is "caught than taught". We're intentional in raising them in a home that aligns with what The Bible teaches, but also intentional in raising them to meet their individual needs. God didn't create a single one of us like another, so why would we try to fit our kids into the same mold.

I want less status. I want less possessions. I want less chaos. I want less of me. I want less. Period. Because it's in "the less" that I have found more. So much more. More freedom. More group hugs. More laughs. More smile lines. More steady breaths. More memories made. More games of chase with my kids. More quality time with my husband. But more than anything...absolutely more of Him!